Am I Good Enough?

© Jane – Fotolia.com

I began reading this book today.  Can I just tell you that God is doing another deep work in my heart.  I am not sure I was prepared for it.  I mean, when I signed up to review the book (which will come later), I knew it was going to move me, but I didn’t realize the layers of skin that would be peeled off, revealing a raw, aching heart, longing to belong.  Longing to be enough.  Longing to make Him and others proud.

Just tonight as I was winding down catching up on my favorite blogs, I came across Kimberly’s post, about not finding our worth in how others see us.  And Nikki’s post about fearing that we aren’t enough.  And I knew that I had to sit down and process the thoughts swirling around in my own head.  I had to face this fear of not measuring up, of not being enough, head on.

Confession time…..

Most days, I do not feel good enough.

I don’t feel like a good mom.
I don’t feel like a good wife.
I don’t feel like a good friend.
I don’t feel like a good writer.

One common thread I notice here is that I don’t feel……

I am basing my self worth, my value, on my feelings.  Am I good enough?  This is not a question that can or should be answered based on how I am feeling in the moment.  I have hard days.  I have days where I fall short.  I have days where I yell at my kids, or discourage my husband.  And then the feelings come.  Those scheming lies full of nothing but guilt and shame.  They lie and tell me that I am less than, that I will never be good enough.  Some days, I wish I didn’t feel anything.  I seem to constantly be in a battle between emotions based on feelings and believing the truth of who God says that I am.  God gave me my emotions.  But He is to be Lord over my mind, will AND emotionsWill I trust my emotions to tell me of my worth, or will I believe that IN Christ, I AM good enough? 

I was created in His image, full of promise and purpose.  But when I consistently tell myself that I am not good enough, I am telling God that what He created is less than perfect.  So then the ole cliche phrase, “be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet” takes on a whole new meaning.  For me, it’s not about growing up in spiritual maturity, but it’s about, “oh, thank goodness He’s got more work to do in me so that I will be better, do better, and feel better about myself”.

The truth is, I will never be good enough.  In and of myself, I can do nothing.

My love for my husband and children is not good enough.  But His love in me is enough.
My words of encouragement to others are not good enough.  But His words in me are enough.
My light in a dark world is not good enough.  But His light in me is enough.

I am a weak vessel.  But I can draw strength from the source.  The One who draws near to me, when I draw near to Him.  He has called me to abide.  To remain in Him, so that He will remain in me.  And so I come, in my weakness, in my filthy rags.  I come with dirty hands that have become scarred and worn from trying and working so hard to fit myself into a mold.  But this being good enough, it’s not about working.  It’s not about doing.  It’s about being.  It’s about realizing that only IN HIM will I ever be good enough.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.  (John 15:5)

I am good enough because He choose me before the foundations of the world.
I am good enough because He called me His own.
I am good enough because He is strength when I am weak.
I am good enough because He is light in my darkness.
I am good enough because He equips those He calls.
I am only good enough because I said Yes to His will and to His ways.

Am I good enough?

I am striving to believe this truth.  How about you?

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Comments

  1. says

    Oh, Barbie. Your writing is more than enough for me! You know I needed this, friend.
    (Isn’t it funny how we can look at another and wonder how they would ever fear they aren’t enough? )
    Will be drawing strength from the source this stay. I’m striving with you!

  2. Anonymous says

    Barbie,I have struggled with this as long as I can remember, longer than  should have really. I too have that book, it sits on my night stand, I am also set to review it soon. I havenot started reading it yet, I think I know how it will make me feel… I am sort of trying to prepare myself to hear the words that so often I push away. Thank you for sharing your heart here. I look forward to your review, and to reading this book! I have no doubt it will be awesome. 

    • says

      I don’t think I was fully prepared for it. It really has hit me hard. Realizing that I even thought this about myself has truly hurt my own heart. But God is so good to gently bring me along in this journey.

  3. laura says

    Oh Barbie..there is really something to this!   “I feel” the same way most of the time too, but feelings can mislead.  You have a good topic and platform here to really minister and move us with your honesty and candidness.  I want to know more…about the book, about God’s love and about the journey.
    Love ,Laura

    • says

      Oh my friend, I am so thankful I am in this journey with you. I’ve missed you. I’ve been a little “under the weather”. I will call you soon!

  4. Anonymous says

    You are doing a great work by taking time to process out your feelings in light of the truth of how God sees you..Cheering you on, Barbie…I realize more and more that I am not enough and that is okay because God says His grace is sufficient and that I was not meant to be enough apart from Him…but it a process, and some days it can be hard to believe what is true and not let my feelings run amuk, so I hear you… hugs to you!

  5. says

    Oh my, this book is speaking so much to my heart too.  I wish I’d had it sooner…because so much of my depression and anxiety was about not feeling like I was “enough”.  And I’m slowly learning, but I have a long ways to go yet…to believe everything He says about me.  My husband told me once, in the middle of one of my weakest moments, “Do you believe, really believe that He loves you?”  When I quietly said, “yes”, he continued, “He doesn’t make mistakes, Steph…you are fearfully and wonderfully made and He loves you no matter what.”  “But I’m such a mess…”, I whispered.  “And He loves your mess…”, he reminded me.  

    • says

      Ah, this brought tears to my eyes. When I am asked if I truly believe that He loves me, I say yes, but there is no connection in my heart. I have a ways to go in truly believing and understanding this truth. So thankful that He loves our messy lives.

  6. Aggie says

    I just clicked over here from seeing your comment on At Home With Kim, so glad I did! I’ve been having these feelings all week (and longer!), feeling like a bad mom or friend. What an uplifting post to read this morning, thank you!

  7. says

    What a wonderful post!  And so true.  I heard Beth Moore once teach on something similar.  I find that I can sometimes fall into the trap of believing that and then giving up.  Day starts off bad and I give in instead of looking Up!  Great great great reminder.  Sounds like an amazing book!  Thanks for the encouragement today Barbie.

  8. says

    Beautiful post, Barbie! I am reading Holley’s book as well and am finding such life in it~ God is speaking these same messages to my heart these days! Also wanted to say that I loved seeing your post and name on the (in)courage blog last week~ such a great post and I was so excited for you to be there, sweet friend! Blessings to you~ you are more than enough!!

  9. says

    WOW – my heart and soul needed these words of affirmation. My thoughts are most days just like your thoughts. They kill and stifle me, yet it is hard to let them go. Putting up words today to remind myself I am enough through Christ! Enough.

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