Last week I signed up. With a heart full of excitement and anticipation I wrote down some goals and committed myself to making strides to get healthy, one day at a time. I started off slowly, intending to pick up speed along the way. After all, sometimes slow and steady wins the race, right? But I never expected to crash and burn just outside the starting gate. And now I wonder if I will ever reach the finish line.
I feel like a broken record. “I want to lose weight.” ”I am willing to do whatever it takes.” ”With community around me, this won’t be so hard.” How many times have I told myself these things, only to have to pick my muddled self up off the floor and begin again.
What will it take for me to even conquer a fraction of the mountain that is looming over me? I thought about quitting (again). After all, wouldn’t it be easier to just lay down and accept myself for the way that I am? But I know that this person that I have become, with all of this extra weight and masks of varying shapes and colors that I choose to put on — this is not God’s best for me. This is not the person God intended for me to become. His desire is that I would walk in emotional wholeness first. Secondly, I know that I will be healthier and so much happier if I shed a few of these unwanted pounds.
Do you believe that it is possible to carry something around with you for so long that it actually becomes a part of you? These things, whether good or bad, become labels that we pin onto ourselves without ever really realizing that we’ve done so. One of the labels I’ve worn for many years now is that “I am emotional eater”. But am I really?
I have questions.
Did I will this thing into existence because I spoke it out of my own mouth?
Is this just an excuse for allowing the sin of indulgence into my life?
Why am I consistently turning to the consumption of food, or sugary coffee drink, to fill voids that only God was meant to fill?
If so, what are those voids?
It is good to ask questions of the Lord. But one must always be prepared for the answer.
This last week was a complete train wreck. My goals were to drink more water, drink only fat-free/sugar-free coffee, begin logging my food into Weight Watchers on line, and to stay within my points range. I missed all of these marks last week. But what really bothers me is that most of the time, I really didn’t even think about what I was eating or how it was affecting me. I just ate. I am so accustomed to grabbing food on the go without ever giving any thought about it. It wasn’t until Saturday that I realized that I was supposed to be making healthy changes. This all dawned on me over a piece of Caramel Apple Struddle Cheesecake and a sugary Mocha Latte!
Why is this so hard? I feel like I have to retrain my brain to recognize hunger and only eat when I am hungry. Right now, I am just eating. I am hardly ever hungry when I do eat. But what is it I am striving to accomplish by filling myself with food when my body isn’t even demanding it? I have began to ask the Lord to give me clarity as to why I cannot seem to remember what I need to do in order to get healthy. I know what the right things are to do, yet I can’t seem to do them.
I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.
(Romans 7:15 NLT)
Do I want to lose weight? Yes! I want this badly. But maybe I am not yet ready for the emotional commitment. But then again, I know I will feel so much better about myself if I do. I have been tempted this week to do another “quick fix” diet, just to jump start my weight loss. But that is not the answer. That will only mask the real issues that I have to be willing to look at square in the face.
I need to take some time this week and ask the Lord to search me so that I can move forward. I must look deep within myself and gain His perspective about all of this. I am obviously trying to do this in my own strength and that is a battle that I will never win.
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Hi Barbie,
I wish I had some advice for you. Something to give you that would give you that jump start but I don’t.
I am here praying and praying for you as I have been all week long. I will continue to support you in prayer.
One thing I am noticing is the more you write about this the more layers are removed as you discover the reasons why you do things. Keep at it and one day the layers will be removed and you will accomplish your goal and more. Like a person with an illness, never ever give up hope, keep on keeping on towards the goal in front of you. And as our sweet Summer says, “keep on swimming!”
Praying,
<
That’s so true. I write to encourage others, and my heart has been encouraged. This is a hard place. A place that I don’t always want to look at, but necessary if I am to go the next level in my walk with the Lord. So yes, I will keep swimming! Thanks for you prayers!
Dear Barbie,
First, I want to give you a HUG. Second, I read this from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, this morning, and it encouraged me, and maybe it will do the same for you:
“Demonstrate your trust in Me by sitting quietly in my Presence…The most effective way to resist evil is to draw near Me….Doing countless things will dissipate your energy. When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less but accomplish more.”
So sit w/ Jesus and let Him lovingly peel the layers off with you to let you know what is underneath the layers…praying you know He sees you as beautiful, loves you, and wants you to experience emotional wholeness…it is a journey I have been on, and am still on…love to you!
Awe, Dolly, thank you for encouraging my heart today. Every time I read something from Jesus Calling it moves me. So thankful to have you routing for me on this journey.
i will continue to pray that the Lord really encounters you in this area. really, i know that you know it is connected to so much more than food – and He is the only One who can give you the key you need to find freedom in this area. no matter what you weigh you are just as valuable and loved!
in a practical way, maybe set a timer on your phone to go off at the top of each hour to go get a glass of water and drink it? i have tried that with other things and the timer going off helps me remember because i am not great at just remembering things during the day that i am not already accustomed to doing.
Thank you Charis for your prayers. They truly mean so much to me. I like the timer idea. I will give that a try. Blessings!
Barbie, Have you ever heard of Take Back Your Temple? It is a Christian weight loss program and is aimed at emotional eaters. It might have some encouragement for you. They have a lovely website. Just Google it. Praying that you can find what works and begin to see results. Hugs!
Lea, thank you so much for letting me know about Take Back Your Temple. I will make sure to spend some time on their site. I appreciate you!
Just want to give you a hug, friend. . . {{SQUEEZE}}
I asked someone close to me recently why they thought they had failed at their healthy living journey for so long…they said when they would start trying to lose weight, eat better, they would try doing it for themselves. and that never worked as they didn’t love themselves enough to succeed. It’s easier to fail yourself. when they started doing it for someone they loved more, with that focus, as a way of expressing love, they found success. Makes sense to me….Anyway. All that to say I am praying for you. Praying you find the motivator that works for you and discover a way to keep it in the forefront.
One last squeeze–I’m a hugger and I just love you to pieces!
Oh friend, how I wish I could sit with you over a cup of coffee, and let you hug me
Thanks so much for making me smile this morning. And you are right, I need to do this for those in my life whom I love. Have a beautiful day!
Barbie, I’m so proud of you for taking the first step to a healthier you. It’s not always going to be easy and there will be days or even weeks when you fail. Pray, friend. God knows your heart and your need. I am praying for you. Don’t give up. Keep trying. Perhaps starting with one small change a day is a better strategy. Instead of trying for three goals this week, why not just start with one. Go all week with adding lots of water to your day. This will help you shed water weight as you’ll be making frequent trips to the bathroom. Then the following week, continue your new water habit and add a new challenge such as logging your food on the weight watchers website. Week 3 add a new challenge…and so on… Maybe subconsciously you’re forgetting to do what you set out to, because it’s too overwhelming. I don’t know. Just tossing out an idea. No matter what you decide, I’m here cheering you on. You can do it, Barbie!
Thank you so much my friend. You encouragement my heart….always!
Barbie, I can so relate to this post. There are days when I do so well, and then others where I’m really disappointed in the choices I make as far as my eating and exercising go. It’s all part of the journey, and we can’t do it alone! We need encouragement and support from those who love us. I’ll be praying that God surround you with encouragement and also with the motivation to reach your goals. I know you can do it!
Thank you so much Meg! I truly appreciate your encouragement.
Barbie, I don’t have any answers, but I know from personal experience that losing weight and changing a lifestyle is hard. Not a little hard…a lot hard. Any change, even just being aware that you WANT to change is a start. I am praying for you my friend. Hugs~
Thanks Mary. I can’t say that things are going much better this week, but at least it’s constantly on my mind.
Barbie I love your honesty. Losing weight is hard even if it’s a few pounds. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You area beautiful lady inside and out!
Blessings friend,
Cyndi
Thank you Cyndi for helping to encourage my heart today!