Every year in January, I start out on a quest to “get healthy” But what that really means for me, at least over the last several years as I fought the battle of the bulge, is that I start another diet. My expectations are high as I pump myself up. Surely something will click this time as I conquer this mountain and reach my goal. However, a few months, or just mere weeks later, I am left confused, disheartened and defeated as feelings of worthlessness overtake me. Again, I did not meet my goal. Again, I feel short. Again, I gave up too soon.
Will I remain here for the rest of my life?
For the first three weeks of January, I participated in a corporate fast with my church. During that time, God revealed so much to my heart about the state of my health. Just as I was all set to join the diet plan again, God closed the door, as He spoke every so gently and revealed that my issues with food are more of an issue of the heart. As I sought Him in the place of prayer, He reminded me that I had not invited Him into this journey, that I have ignored His will at times, and that I was not taking care of His temple. He wants me to stop labeling myself as an emotional eater and call it for what it really is — a lack of discipline and down right disobedience at times. Ouch! He was not invalidating my emotions by any means, but He wants me to learn to be consumed by Him first, and stop running to food to fill the ache in my heart.
So I surrender….again.
I have had to come to a place where I am willing to put away the diet books, hide the scale, and forgot about counting points and calories. The Lord is leading me back to the basics. He wants to once again renew my mind with His Word, so that it would fill every nook and cranny, every crevice of my heart. You see, I cannot continue to fill my stomach in the hope that the healing will come. No amount of food will ever replace what the Lord desires to do in my heart and mind. I must be willing to fully surrender, to fully trust Him, on this journey.
And I will take it step by step.
As I continue to pursue the Lord for my emotional healing, I will listen to His instruction as to how to go about bringing health to my body. My body is His temple and I must partner with Him and learn to treat it appropriately. I can tend to get overwhelmed with what not to do, that I forget to focus on what I should be doing — reading His Word, meditating on His truth, soaking in His presence, renewing my mind. I have to take the Lord’s hand and allow Him to guide me, step by step, on this journey. Without Him, I can do nothing.
Each Wednesday I will share a little bit about my step by step journey here. It may not always be about food. I may focus on a scripture passage that I’ve been meditating on, or a quote that really struck me, or a book that He is leading me to read. Perhaps I’ll share a recipe or a small victory I’ve had during the week. My purpose is to share my journey, step by step, as the Lord brings me through to the other side.
Is the Lord calling you to lay your quest for health at His feet? Let’s run this race together, step by step. It’s His will that we live whole and healthy lives. When we come into agreement with His will, we cannot fail.
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Barbie! Wonderful post! So looking forward to sharing on your journey!
Love you my friend!
It is so important to listen to God. As you rest in Him, He will do a major work on your heart. In time, other areas of your life will come into line. I will be praying for you Barbie.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Debbie recently posted..Motivation and Habits
Thank you my friend!
Barbie, I know this has been a big struggle for you for many years. I pray that this leads you down the path to being your healthiest self…. emotionally, physically and spiritually. Looking so forward to reading your posts and what you’ve learned and how you find success. {hugs}
Kim | At Home With Kim recently posted..Weigh-In Wednesday {Guest Post}
Thank you Kim! I so appreciate you!
YEA!!! so glad you put all that stuff away, no need to count calories and stand on the scale everyday!! I lost thirty pounds two years ago and I know the struggle you are talking about, but I know with God’s help you can do it. Can’t wait to hear about your journey!! Love ya
Jennifer peterson recently posted..The winner is……Panera giveaway.
I finally just had to decide to stop spinning in circles and let Him lead me!
Oh how we are soul sisters in this area! I have recently begun a study of sorts about this very thing…letting go of the diets are focusing on the poverty of my soul. It is a hard journey and even as I type these words I am reminding of how i have been ignoring that journey the past few days.I will be praying for you as you go through this journey of wholeness!
Venessa recently posted..It happens to everyone
Oh friend, we’ve been in this place together before, haven’t we? Let’s continue to encourage one another along. We can do this!
Barbie, this is SO me. I have struggled with my weight as an adult for I don’t know how long. I allow myself to get into a poor-pitiful-me-why-can’t-I-eat-whatever-I-want-and-still-be-thin mentally. It just comes down to willpower, obedience, and treating my body as a temple. I get legalistic on diets and have good intentions starting out and then it all fizzles out due to time, not having the money to purchase the “right” foods, etc. My husband and I both struggle with our weight and fitness. And now that he has diabetes, we must change. And the only way we will ever change is to realize it’s a heart and soul issue. Thanks so much sharing.
Leann recently posted..Working for the Weekend
You’re welcome Leann. It certainly doesn’t get any easier the older I get. Now that I am pushing 50 (will be there in a few years) I have to get this under control. With God’s help, I can! I will be praying for you and your husband on your journey towards health!
Praying for you Barbie. I know you can do this with Father’s help.
Child of God recently posted..Stanley Go Take A Hike!
Thank you friend!
Hi Barbie, thanks for your honesty. I too have faught with extra weight for many years. I always thought if I lost 5 or 10 pounds that I was doing great (meaning I get a food reward). But recently when I started to think about dieting again God spoke to me and told me that I was viewing myself wrong. I am actually a slim girl who has been in denial of who God created her to be. Now when the tempting snacks come by I say to myself, “I am not really a snacker, I am after all a slim girl according to God”.
Roma recently posted..I am Not Broken
Roma, thank you so much for stopping by to encourage my heart. I too believe that I view myself wrong. I know that God sees me beautiful. I just need to learn to accept it. Have a beautiful and blessed day tomorrow!
Yes, I’m on a quest too become a Healthier Me. I’m sharing about this journey on my Healthier Me blog http://beelieve-ahealthierme.blogspot.com/ . It’s more personal so I separated it from my main site: http://www.beelieveyoucan.net/
It’s been a while since I have visited your blog. I know the Lord lead me here for a reason. God bless you.. We will become healthy… one step at a time. As long as we allow the Lord to guide us.
Michele recently posted..Weigh-In-Wednesday – I’m Singing the Blues
Thank you so much Michele!
barbie, i think this is exactly right. you are doing exactly what the Lord is calling you to do, and it is going to bring freedom to so many areas of your life. i don’t think you ever knew that i struggled with my weight in college. i ate well, i exercised… but couldn’t get rid of the weight i gained in college. it wasn’t until God started doing healing in my heart and i got rid of the scale that the weight started to leave as i stopped obsessing about it and focused on Him instead my image so much. anyways, i say this to tell you that i felt like He did similar things with me and i know that “seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness” is always the best way to anything we are struggling with.
charis recently posted..love keeps no record of wrongs
Charis, thank you so much for sharing your story. I believe I’ve taken the first steps of obedience. I know that God will continue to show me the direction to go. Blessings!
You are not alone, sweet Sister. It’s very difficult, but please know that you are being prayed for! xo
Jenni recently posted..My favorite things Monday – catching up with friends on the phone
Thank you so much Jenni. I so appreciate your prayers.
“You see, I cannot continue to fill my stomach in the hope that the healing will come.”
Oh I understand that sentence so much. What a blessing how the Lord used the fasting period to draw you nearer to him and to show you even more. I look forward to following your journey in the upcoming weeks and months.
RaZella recently posted..Wellness Wednesday – Whole30 Time!
Thank you, RaZella, for your encouragement.
Wonderful post. So honest and inspiring. Found you through the Wednesday Weigh-In and look forward to checking back!
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