I’ve been pondering my journey toward health and wholeness. I’m still asking God what it is I should be doing to get healthy. But for now, I am not feeling released to do much of anything. Some of my friends have started Weight Watchers. I want to jump in with both feet and begin counting again and experiment with new recipes, but I’m not ready. I’m not yet ready to fail with grace. I’m not yet ready to start, only to get frustrated and stop again. I’m not yet ready to grab God’s hand and let Him lead me down that path. For I know if I did it now, I’d be the one leading, and I’d fail miserably.
For so long the road to getting healthy has meant that I had to be “doing something” while at the same time not doing most things I enjoyed, like eating chocolate and filling up on carbs. But I believe that the Lord would have me to rest from the doing, and focus more on the being. It’s not easy, because in order to be, I have to lay things down and put myself first. I have to place my relationship with God at the highest priority, and I have to give myself permission to focus on me.
I have trouble putting myself first. Growing up, I wasn’t first at much of anything. Whenever I played with my brothers and sisters, I was often chosen last, or given the less glorified role. So for the most part, I am use to putting my time and attention into others. But I am learning that I can lose myself in this process of serving others. It’s easy to forget who I am, that I have needs, and that those needs are valid and important. I can get so consumed with the needs of the people around me, that I lack the energy and motivation to strengthen myself.
I don’t know how to do it. How does a busy, full-time working, homeschooling mom, who does ministry 2-3 nights a week, care for her husband and her children, as well as the needs of others, without neglecting herself?
In order to be successful in life, I must have some quality “me time”. It’s not self-centered to take a time out, just for myself, to rest and refuel and do something just for me. I need to learn the art of being kind to myself.
Here are some things that I’m dreaming about doing just for myself:
- Take a long walk with God, and see where I end up.
- Have some focused writing time, by myself, no children around.
- Paint my nails (I can’t tell you how long it’s been).
- Take a hot bath (it’s been even longer!)
- Get a massage. I have a certificate. I just keep forgetting to call.
- Dance in the rain. The next time it rains, I just might do it.
- Bake. I don’t like baking, but there’s something comforting about the end result.
- Cry. I do this often. There’s so much healing in it.
- Start putting together my ebooks. Scared. Nervous. Excited. Mostly scared.
- Handwrite a note to someone I love. Seems easy enough, but typing is so much faster.
These are just a few things I’ve been thinking about doing for myself.
Instead of me having a breakdown, I’m focusing on me having a breakthrough.