I was certain that God would come through. We prayed, cried, read the Word and chose to believe that He would make a way where there seemed to be no way. Surely, God would not ask us to give up our house, the one our children were raised in, the one that displays my husband’s handiwork throughout.
We had so much hope, so much faith to believe that God would provide a way for us to keep our home. But the effects of my husband’s ongoing unemployment, and the fact that we could no longer keep up with an escalating mortgage took it’s toll and we were faced with two choices — foreclosure or short sale.
I remember how after we moved I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. Oh yes, I said that I trusted that God knew what was best. I wanted so deeply to believe that He saw beyond our current circumstances to the day when we could stand on our feet once again, financially secure.
But deep down inside, I was crushed. I did not understand. I wanted to run and hide under a rock and never come out. We had failed God, failed our children and failed each other. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I wanted to cling to hope and not despair, I was angry, upset and disappointed.
God had let me down.
What does one do when the path of trust meets the road of disappointment? If God is for us, and not against us, wouldn’t it be true then that His ways are higher than ours, and that we ought to know and believe that He has our best interests at heart? The very God of the universe, who knows the beginning from the end, He writes my story. I read His Word and say “YES” in my Spirit. But what happens when my heart is crushed and I feel nothing but heartache, loss and am faced with the grave reality that what I was holding onto wasn’t mine to keep?
Out of despair and desperation, I have nothing left but to choose to trust.
I’ve been on this journey now for nearly four years. We lost our home, but God has proven himself faithful time and time again. My husband has remained unemployed for the majority of the last four years, but I cannot tell you the miracles of provision that have met us at the door, time and time again. It is easy for me to “trust in the Lord” when things are going my way. But pull the rug out from underneath me, and God has an opportunity to shine His light on the grave condition of my own heart.
I am broken. I am weary. I do not understand.
But He brings wholeness, refreshing and opens my eyes to see His goodness.
I feel like a failure, unworthy of His love.
But I choose to believe that His redemption is for me.
On my journey I have been faced with the realization that God doesn’t give us a choice to trust Him. He simply said to “trust”. It’s a command. It means that no matter what, I will choose to put my unwavering faith and hope in a God who will never disappointment me, even when my heart tells me otherwise. It means that I will choose to believe that God is good, no matter what circumstances I may face. It means that I will cling to the promise that I have a hope and a future, one of prosperity and not of harm, despite what my bank account tells me.
God says to trust Him. My response must be one of obedience, lest I fall into despair. I remember an old song I use to sing when I first came to know the Lord. “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way. To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
(Trust and Obey)
Has your path of trust met the road of disappointment? Are you choosing to trust that the Lord will make a way? Will you share your experience in the comments below? I would love to pray for you.
*Linking up with Bonnie for Faith Barista Jam.
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Barbie – your words, your story resonate with mine; you use more words but our story is the same! Thank you for bearing your soul…
I believe when speaking on “trust” one must bear one’s soul or hide in a cave. There is no other way, than to trust & obey!
Thank you, your words encourage this morning. Now to go live it.
Susan recently posted..trust
one must “bare” one’s soul; not bear it!
Susan recently posted..trust
Susan, thank you for stopping by! I left a comment over on your blog
Oh Barbie you are so right sometimes all we have left is to trust!! You have such a beautiful heart and this is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Love you
Jennifer peterson recently posted..Hold onto God’s word.
Thank you my friend. You always encourage my heart.
Oh, yes, Barbie, my trust has met the road of disappointment and I do choose to trust that the Lord is going to make a way in a family situation that we are facing. But, is it hard. You bet!! There are days that I am so full of doubt and my faith is lacking but He is doing a work in my life during this time that He might not have accomplished otherwise.
I am so, so sorry for the difficult journey that you and your family have been on and I can only imagine how hard it must be to keep on trusting Him. But, you are such a testimony to Him and I can’t help but believe that He is going to bless in ways that are yet unknown to you.
Sending hugs and prayers your way this morning…………..
Lea recently posted..Hodgepodge Wednesday
Oh Lea, yes, you can trust Him. He is always faithful. I am praying for your situation. God is so much bigger than our circumstances. Have a beautiful weekend!
Dear Barbie
When I faced the darkest night of my life here on earth, I just kept reminding myself of Romans 8:35! With Paul and BARBIE I can say that nothing, yes, nothing can ever seperate us fom the love of our Pappa. My dear friend, thank you for your courage and tenacity! You are truly a blessing to us all!
Much love
Mia
Mia recently posted..Songs the World Sings
Oh girl, this scripture, that nothing will separate me, its one I know in my sleep, yet still have to remind myself of. I am so thankful for His overwhelming love, even when I do not understand His ways. Love you!
our leaders can rob us financially, but they can’t take our faith or stop God.
) I just prayed that your husband would find a job.
Thank you Nicole!
Hi Barbie, This is my first time commenting, but I read your Blog everyday. You have such a heart for God and always seem to say what I am thinking..I just have a hard time putting things into words. Keep it up! I look forward to hearing what you have to say every morning. You really touch my heart. Thank you and prayers your way!
Shelby, thank you so much for commenting! I love when my readers let me know they are reading! Makes my heart swell and smile. I am so thankful the Lord is using my blog to encourage you! Thank you for taking the time to read. I appreciate you!
Hi Barbie,
It hurts to grow in the Lord. This is such a raw post and your journey has been hard but the growth in you towards the Lord has been huge! When I was reading, I couldn’t help but think of the Unrah family the ones who lost their 15 year old son, Jordan, to bone cancer. They put all of their trust in the Lord to heal their son. They discussed and decided against the removal of his leg, with the approval of their doctor as the removal still did not hold many good promises of health, and decided to fully trust Father to heal Jordan. Father took him home.
I am still following their blog and I hear the struggle Darlene and Kim are going through. They are clinging hard to God and His promises even though they are asking Him some very tough questions.
Growing in the Lord hurts, and He knows just how to grow us using the areas that are the tenderest in our hearts.
When our earthly footpath is shaky, you can be sure that your spiritual one will only grow stronger and firmer.
Hugs,
Child of God recently posted..The Battle
Oh my friend, I cannot imagine the pain this family is walking through, but I do know that in pain, there is still hope. Even when the miracle doesn’t happen, as we want it to, God is still faithful. Blessings my friend!
Barbie, I smiled big when I went to link up with Bonnie and saw your link there. Thank you for the goodness you’ve written here. Trust and disappointment is a question I have wrestled with as well. We are coming off a year of under-employment after a period of unemployment. An ongoing recommitment, trusting is. Blessings to you!
Mandy recently posted..I Believe He Will Do It
Oh girl, I know this season. I will be praying for you and your family.
I often wonder if God continues to allow life struggles because learning to trust Him isn’t just a choice, but a lifelong process of spiritual growth. I think of how often He has shown me miracles, and yet I so easily waver in my faith when satan gets in my head or heart and starts stirring up fear. I actually get mad at myself when I realize I’m not trusting God, because by now I really should know better. Will I ever react to a life interruption as Job did, dropping to my knees in praise and worship, trusting God without question? Or will I always allow my human desires to control the emotion of my response?
Rosann recently posted..Why Being Intimate With Your Husband is So Important
Such great thoughts to ponder! Thank you Rosann!
This post really touched my heart. You have trusted God through some difficult times, and your story here is encouraging and powerful. God bless…
Thank you Renee! I left a comment over at your blog. Have blessed weekend.
Beautiful, Barbie! I hope some of my fb followers make their way over here today.
Jamie recently posted..3 things I learned about God’s generosity
Thank you for the shout out Jamie!
Amazing, I had Trust & Obey running through my mind all day today — and here it is, confirming His request. Thank you!
HisFireFly recently posted..Trust not myself
Thank you!
Dear Barbie,
You shine beautifully here, as your trust…your choice to trust, your obedience to trust Him in the darkness of disappointment brings Him glory…Praying God will continue to uphold you and your family, my friend…Hugs to you
Dolly@Soulstops recently posted..Five Minute Fridays: Bare
You encourage me, always my friend. Much love!
Barbie,
Thank for you for the comment on my post. The “no” we received was that my husband didn’t get selected for the job he had applied for. One that looked perfect on paper and one that we thought he had a real chance (he didn’t even get an interview!). But I do know God has bigger plans and that job must have not been right for him and us. My husband has been unemployed since September of 2011, due to some physical and mental health problems. He is trying to get back out there but it’s a tough world and he doesn’t have the experience to do any jobs that would work with his health (he had hip replacement, so he must have a seated job). So, your post really resonated with me. All of these Trust posts are hitting home and I am so humbled and awed of the transparency everyone is writing with. It’s so refreshing and so wonderful to know that we are not along in this journey.
Leann recently posted..Faith Jam Thursday: Trust
Leann, I know the heartache of closed doors, and having to grit my teeth and continue to trust. Even when I waver in my trust and vocalize my fear and worry, I am still learning to trust. I know that God must have something better for your husband. I will be praying for you! God will make a way!
oh, my sweet friend! i know this road of disappointment, only mine finds me with my husband choosing to walk away right now. i am not even sure the if or when he will choose to return to work on our marriage. i know that God has a plan and i pray it is reconciliation…that our marriage will be rebuilt stronger and deeper and firm on His rock…but i don’t know His plan and as you said so well…i must just trust! right now i am sure my husband is in a spiritual battle and so my prayers lean more to his healing right now because truly his walk with Jesus is more important than our marital status…
the other week i was chatting with a friend about mustard seed faith and how if can move mountains….oh to have mustard seed faith….doesn’t seem like a lot but boy i struggle…i find it tough some days just to move my own feet let alone anything else but God has shown His provision in so many things…i am learning to see all the good and to stop dwelling on the bad…
joining you in proclaiming my desire to trust and obey…there is no other way!!
bless you friend….i miss you and think of you often!!
Kerri recently posted..His eye is on the sparrow
Oh Kerri, my heart aches to hear this news. Although, in my Spirit, I’ve felt it. I pray for you often and miss you too! I don’t know what is going on with your husband, your marriage, your lives, but God does and He is able! I am praying that your marriage will be restored, but yes, praying for your husband’s walk with the Lord to be strengthened. Please feel free to email me or FB me if you ever need to chat!
So I came here from your FB page but now I can’t remember how I got to your FB page…… Hmmm.. Anyway, your post really hit me. We are a large young family (5 children ages 5 months to 8 years) and we own a small landscape business. This past year was very difficult as we lost our biggest maintenance contract (which was over 1/2 our income), and a few small ones, and we just learned several weeks ago that we are now losing what became our biggest contract (which is 3/4 of our income). We are now facing coming into the next season with one small contract that has been renewed verbally but still is not signed, and the possibility of only one or two other small ones that still need to be renewed but we have not heard back yet. The income from that contract will be $175 a month. That’s it. I have been sitting here praying and trusting that we won’t starve and at one point, I even trusted that we wouldn’t lose our house….however, reading your post and knowing that sometimes, God does even take our homes, I am seriously considering the idea that perhaps we could lose our house if my husband cannot find more contracts before the end of March. And I’m a little freaked out. Not because I don’t think He’ll provide for us somehow but because I don’t know how!!!! Since you had to get rid of your house, where did you go? Do you have savings helping you along as your husband has been unemployed? Unemployment stipends? Do you live with family?? Because we have none of that to fall back on.. No savings; not able to collect unemployment since we own our own business… None of our family has a big enough home to take on 7 extra people. I know I needn’t worry…..I know SOMEHOW things will be worked out.. But I’m just not good at waiting on the HOW. I hate not knowing..like…if we really were to not find more work, and if we did lose our home…what would we do? How did you get past the craziness of wanting to know the HOW? That’s where I am. In any case, I’m happy to have stumbled upon your blog, thank you for sharing your heart.
Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear of all that you are going through. I am praying and believing God will make a way where there seems to be no way. Cling to faith and to hope. We do not have savings. My husband has been living off side job money and we’ve just really had to scale back. Sometimes we don’t have much food, but we have enough. Feel free to private email me if you want to talk further. I would love to continue to encourage your heart, and hear an update of how things are going.
Hi Barbie – I found you over at Joan. We are going through a trust thing too and each step along the way I think I have faith to believe God is going to do “x” and then it doesn’t happen. And like you I have chosen to believe to trust Him anyway. I have told myself often over this time, if I have nothing but God, then I have it all. I stand with you in faith that God has a plan and purpose for you and your family in this hard time.
I would really love for you to link this on my bloghop Winsome Wednesday in the hope that someone out there, who needs to read this, will.
God bless
Tracy
Tracy recently posted..Winsome Wednesday – Worldly Wisdom?
Thank you Tracy! I did link up! I know that God is faithful. Praying for you!
I think you are amazing, Barbie. I’ve been reading about your journey since I started blogging and I just want to thank you for always keeping it real.
Jen Ferguson recently posted..beheld in a different Light (New Guest Post Series)
Thank you Jen! It’s scary to let it all out and be vulnerable. But I’ve met so many people in the same situation that I’ve been able to encourage. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Blessings!
Dear Barbie,
I was ever so blessed to find your website this morn.! Thank you.
I loved your piece. My own dear mother used to sing this song to me, to us…. She sang ALOT. Or else hummed. She was the oldest of 7; I am the oldest of 6. Right after the birth of my 3rd child and 2nd daughter my mother left us. She never saw Summer on this earth. But now 19 yrs. later, Summer is so much like my mother was….
I loved how you have chosen to trust. That is the key, I think. To chose to trust. In spite of and even though the circumstances aren’t easy. I’ve decided to go back to the way(s) I was taught as a child (at my mother and grandmothers’ knees) and I have been so happy ever since (Aug.)…. I asked for God’s help, cired out to him at my lowest, and He heard and lifted me up. My joy has grown since…. Our God is a good God. A great God, and worthy to be praised. From generation to generation.